free hosting   image hosting   hosting reseller   online album   e-shop   famous people

 
The Truth, no Kidding.

 
It is the year 2000 and Noah lives in the United States. The
Lord speaks to Noah and says, "In one year, I am going to
make it rain and cover the whole Earth with water until all
is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people
and two of every kind of living thing on the Earth.
Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivers the specifications for
an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah takes the plans and
agrees to build the Ark.

"Remember," says the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and
bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covers the
Earth and all the seas of the Earth go into a tumult. The
Lord sees Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah," He
shouts. "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me!" cries Noah. "I did my best, but
there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for
construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I
had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.

"Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the
Ark needed a fire-sprinkler system and flotation devices.
Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning
ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to
get a variance from the city planning commission.

"I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because
there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl.
I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed
the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife
Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.

"The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had
to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now
I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I
started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an
animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of
each kind aboard.

"Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me
that I could not complete the Ark without filing an
environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They
didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no
jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the
universe.

"Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the
proposed new flood plan. I sent them a globe.

"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with
the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am
practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving
people aboard.

"The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building
the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying
taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them
some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a
'recreational water craft.'

"Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction
against further construction of the Ark, saying that since
God is flooding the Earth, it is a religious event and
therefore, unconstitutional. I really don't think I can
finish the Ark for another five or six years!" Noah wails.

The sky begins to clear, the sun begins to shine, and the
seas begin the calm. A rainbow arches across the sky.

Noah looks up hopefully: "You mean you are not going to
destroy the Earth, Lord?"

"No," says the Lord sadly. "I don't have to.

The government  already has."

Top of page

Mainpage